Something in the way...

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"What do you want, Mohit  () "
I don't know if this was a question or an exasperated statement by her. All I knew that I didn't have the words to tell her what I wanted. I wanted to smash myself into the wall.

She looked at me, incredulously, that even after breaking her heart for a fifth time, I still had the audacity to come up to her. But this time it was different. I had no will to fight back, not because I didn't want her, but because I knew I had broken her. I had left her soulless  I had given her excruciating pain that you wouldn't want for anyone. The pain of a broken heart. I had.
Physical pain can be mortified, but the pain your chest feels when you love somebody with everything you had, is beyond placation. Who knows this better than me?

Precisely. Precisely the thing that fucked us up. My failure to move on.

I stared at her silently. She was trying to hide her pain. I could see the marks of tears running down over her face. She had cried all afternoon. It looked as if the Ganaga had desiccated.
She put on her headphones and started giggling over some videos. She was trying very hard to forget what had happened. So hard that she didn't realize she was shaking her legs.

Sometime in between those ugly hours, she would remove her headphone and ask me again.." What happened?". ...I started feeling dizzy. I wanted to sleep for weeks or probably years.  But I sat there, staring at her, feeling like the stupidest person in the world who could hurt an amazon of a woman. But I did manage to. The only good thing that happened was that this time I realized far quicker that it was me who was at fault.

She lay on her bed, silent but prudent, with those majestic eyes of her staring into oblivion. I tried to put her hair behind her ears. Then something definite happened that had not happened before. She stopped my hand and moved away. In a single gesture of defiance, she had told me that it was over. That there is no coming back. I could happily fuck myself thinking about my past and her. There was something in the way between us now, and it would never be the same.her. There was something in the way between us now, and it would never be the same.




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