Existential Absurd

DOOMSDAY If the world ends today I’ll have many regrets let’s open the bay I’ll fret. Never said I love you to my mom and dad not even to my sister always thought that the timing was bad neither to her mister. Never thanked any teacher for the lessons too arrogant even to say ‘morning they always had a passion (for me) thought they would forget me by evening. Never hugged friends thought it was not cool here comes the end it feels like a fool. Never told you how much I loved your smile the way you stroked your hair and those pretty eyes scared of relationship by a distant mile now that you like your classmate, feels very lonely and I often sigh. Only if an hour could be added to my life surely would not waste thinking about my future wife. Instead, would go to people, tell them what I felt would break some barriers and see the ice melt. But only one hour I would like to extend with all the regrets gone, not a single minute more of t...

I went to school today. After over 1200 days. I thought nobody would remember me, but some of them do ( :D ). It felt great to be back where you had the most fun time of your life. You meet old people, people who have been your gurus for 14 years and you realize how much have you changed. And you also realize that how less they have changed. All sirs are the same. Johnsy sir is still uniquely funny. Kothari sir is the same introvert. Ma'ams are always more interested in your personal life (women are really money minded).  I guess people stop changing after a point in life, they just grow old. They say change is good, but what happens when change becomes routine. Maybe that's the point when you stop changing and know yourself. Anyway, I don't know much. I haven't reached that crossroad yet. I wish we had taken some pics so that I could have shared here. But leaving that for the next time. Hoping to meet more teachers that day! Also, semester break is here. I am thinki...

That's me Mugdha with Mum I feel sisters really underestimate the love their brothers show for them through constant nagging and all those irritating moments when you want to kill us. This was the first Diwali without Mugdha at home. I have never missed my sister so much to this day. I am not getting nostalgic, but it feels ridiculously boring to celebrate the festival of light without the phuljhadi (live wire) of the house. Of course, if she were here , I wouldn't have felt a single thing.  I really appreciate that she and Varun came to our place for a few hours As for the phone, I am going to write a personal letter to Nokia India's head. (Some pics of Diwali and previous days)

I have been very unlucky. I always dreamt of having a very very romantic affair with a girl. I have day dreamed  ( and night dreamed ) all the possibilities and all the situations that I could have come across when wooing a girl. Of all the scenarios, the one I really wanted to do is wanting to write a love letter. Now, love letters may be a bit anachronic  in the times of texts and calls, but I always found them ridiculously romantic and a very intense way of explaining once's feelings (simple letters too, are great for the latter). So since I never found such a girl whom I would really like to woo and I have no hopes for the future , I am going to write a love letter to no one in particular , but to someone whom I call Vratika. To my cherished, It has been a while since you I asked your name and you walked away. Since then, we faced off twice and you ignored me at both instances. So I really had to do something to grab your attention .This is an attempt. But don't worry if ...

There is a fight going on in my body now a days . A fight against my mind . A fight to wake up after sleeping 14 hours . A fight to study even after being rejected so many times. A fight which pains my ankles . A fight which my body .  So I end up doing nothing all day. I tried going away from social networking . It didn't help. I tried going back into social networking . It didn't help either. It is going from bad to worse. I doubt it will end ever. And if it does, I am not sure whether I will be able to find that motivation to do anything ever again. They say success comes to those who try hard. They give you plenty of examples of great people. What they never tell you is that these people loved doing what they were doing. Had they asked Edison to play good cricket , he would have given up eventually after two or three tries. You ask me to score from a free kick and I ll never say never . You ask me to write till I become a writer , I ll never give up . What you are asking m...

It's not like I have never been bored. But this time it's different. I have been bored too much , to death. And I am almost at a point where I don't feel like doing anything.Not to mention this is my final year at grad school and I should be looking to do something productive.I have no reason for not doing anything. It is just that poof, I stated hating my studies , I started hating my college , I lost all interest in girls .I don't know much but it feels empty in my stomach . But I don't feel like eating. That day I went out to a fancy restaurant and all I had was soup.My interests seem to wander just too much. It wasn't like this earlier; I had it under control. But now I can't stop it. Just cant focus on anything. I will update soon. Bye 

Yay!....Finally I had my second epiphany today. In 21 years , I have made two utterly compelling and plausible conclusions to two of the most trivial questions I have faced in my life. I would like to share them with you: "Why do Bollywood heroes always win in the end but it is not the same for Hollywood movies?" Let's see it from a mythological point of view. Have your ever heard a tale or story where Krishna or Ram were defeated ? I haven't. And I believe you also haven't come across any such anecdote.On the other hand ,Christ was crucified , humiliated , dragged and beaten to death. Even being the son of God didn't help him survive truculence and he died within 3 hours. The point is, our movies are inspired by our Gods and our religion.Hinduism doesn't allow a moral proved until the God (hero) wins. Christianity allows it.They can have the hero losing or dead and still they give the lesson which the movie wanted to give. Hinduism always seeks a positiv...

My heart once again yearns for those leisurely days and nights When I could just sit back leisurely, and let my imagination wander Relaxing on my back in the backyard, under the mild winter sun, Covering my face under the shade of a tree And sometimes turning over and lying with legs pulled up Or, when breeze blows on a clear summer night I would be keeping awake late into the night gazing at the stars lying sprawled on the rooftop During chilly winter on some hill, I may be listening to stillness echoing through valleys living misty moments through the eyes This is a translation of a song- Dil dundta hai fir wahi fursat ke raat din ....which is beautifully penned by Gulzaar. Is there any place for a person seeking seclusion in this country? Apparently not.

This is an amateur attempt at poetry. And as always, it is my experience which I have shared. This is also an attempt to point out the flaws of having relationships through texts, calls and social networking. So stop living in a virtual world, go out and meet people (after reading this post, that is) THE DATE When I asked you out, you didn't reply Once, twice, thrice, you didn't hear my ply. Fourth time I asked, you said 'seriously'? The surprise in your eyes, compelled me to say 'jokingly'. For friends we were, through texts and calls Always met with friends, in some malls; For what you saw, was the fake smile Our thoughts were apart some miles. You didn't see the need and the loneliness A date for you was, mere stupid-ness. I wanted to share my thoughts, views and care You told me you couldn't defy your parents, how much you dare. It Took me three months, but I moved on Not becoming devdas , I took it as a con. You still text me, about the rains and t...

Just as I was about to start writing this entry , I have been rudely reposed by a chat message ; I have been chatting since I was 13 and no please I don't enjoy it anymore. Neither do I enjoy texting . They seem to provide extraordinary hiatuses in my thinking. And perhaps the replies are all the same and have become boring ..I can guess 16 times out of 20 who is going to reply what ..yes I have done this . Why do u think a guy who sent about 200 texts everyday give up suddenly??  Also ,sometimes people don't bother replying .(yup someone particular) You might wonder what do I mean when I say 'my thinking' .To be  true,  even I don't remember what I think about. Of course I have this memory problem... ( my sister once told me I don't have a memory problem ; accordingly she says people remember what they like to remember ..I don't believe her)..my problem with remembering things of importance (to others).The last thing I remember thinking (deeply) is whether...

For the first time in my life , I am not going to enjoy the luxury of summer vacations. I feel summer break is our birth right..after all who can work in scorching heat!!..And who could possibly forget the good old school days of May and June ,in my case, college days too. So just to remind myself (and you), is a list of things that defined my childhood's 16x2=32 months - 1.Cable TV ..and a break from DD. 2. Speaking into the cooler , hearing the robot voice. 3.Waking up after noon and no one complained. 4.Video games ( contra my favorite) during the day , cricket in the evening and nadi pahad , hide and seek, chain ,chiclets, inky pinky what color? in the evening 5.Looooonnggg showers. 6.Ice cream or cold drink or ganne ka ras daily. 7.Digging tunnels in sand .. creating under-bridges ..shaking hands . 8.Some more cricket inside the house. 9.Playing hide and seek inside the home ...and your sibling doesn't seek you ...and you come out furiously with after 15 minute...

'Are you crazy?' 'No, I am not ' 'Then why don't you tell her you like her ? ' 'She says it's too late' 'Too late for what?' 'Too late to get away from me ' 'She likes you ? ' ' I don't  know ' 'What do you know?' 'That I like her ' 'Then tell her ' 'No , she thinks I am crazy' 'Then why does she like you?' 'Who said she likes me?' 'Then why does she say that it's too late to get away from you?' 'Cause I am crazy' 'She likes crazy people?' 'Yes , I think she does' 'She likes you.' 'Who said she likes me?' 'Who didn't?' What am I supposed to say when the best part of me was always you ; What am I supposed to do when I am all choked up and you are okay. I am falling into pieces.

I don't have much to say.. courtesy of a sickening chelsea united draw (whole week is ruined )...I don't have much to write about either .I'll just share a line which I found witty. Infliction of cruelty with a good conscience is a delight to moralists.That's why they invented hell. If you don't get it ...well. bye bye

Luck is a very subjective word . There is no parameter to measure it. You might be lucky enough to own a car but a poverty stricken African may be lucky enough to have lunch . Now destiny and luck are different . They say that you make your own luck ...but no one says you make your own destiny . Destiny is used more as a 'god related' word (fuck vocab ) . God related is a funny term . If you believe in destiny , it tells me that you believe whatever has happened and will happen in the Universe in has already been decided by God  and we are mere puppets . You can connect this with Murphy's law and if you are farsighted ..you will eventually ask yourself about the existence of God. I am no Plato ; m not dealing with it (just a way to excuse this question ). Someone recently told me that ' luck is merely blessings of our parents plus our deeds ' ..I think this is the most beautiful line anyone has said to me .

RIGHT I read somewhere making decision is easy. You make one and don't look back. Writing it is easy ..implementing it is a David versus Goliath task.One cannot take decisions without thinking about it and in this process over-thinks the pros and the cons. The worry factor makes decision making a difficult process.....but only if one didn't have to worry.Success and failure don't depend upon your choice...it depends upon what you do after making a choice. I won't discuss much about this ...cause I have myself made many a poor decisions ...so who am I to lecture you about it. But I ll let in a secret....the best decisions are made randomly . (watched cricket after a long time...Friday the 13th# lucky )

Have been reading Catch -22 lately. It deals with a manic who is stuck in a war and can't get out. He really doesn't want to fight for strangers in his country and believes people on the other side are fools that they are trying to kill each other without a (personal) reason. How many times have you given this a thought that there is a reason to do any stuff. Many people lecture you on this stuff. They say that thinking is a waste of time , you just go out there and do what you like to do. It's not as simple as it looks . Don't they realize that there is a reason behind their doing ; and that is passion. Passion really helps you , never lets you go down on., brings about a confidence. A self belief that is so strong that it overpowers your thinking capability and then you just do it. I don't know if you can have more than one passions. I just have one. What's yours?