Dread
A TV commercial says 'darr ke aage jeet hai'.
They could not have been more wrong. For me, accepting your fear in itself is the biggest victory.
Let me tell you something about fear. You don't think about it every time. You are oblivious to it mostly; busy in your day to day life, thinking about the present , how to move ahead in your career, new crush, great food, cigarettes, beers and comfortable sleep. You make yourself believe that you are a secure, stable and confident person.
But that moment is a cruel one. Somebody mentions the thing you don't even want to hear a word about or something remotely related to it. You go numb. Blank. Horrified.
Deep down somewhere near your chest, there is a sharp pain that emerges. An image, so horrible, pops up in your head that a shrill passes through your body. Somebody touched that old fear of yours which have tried so hard to hide, but have failed miserably.
You lose your senses. You cannot concentrate. Start chewing your nails. Rub your hands on your face. Feet and hands go cold. Try to grasp for breath.
It takes about 10-15 minutes for you to shrug off the initial shock.
As the numbness starts to fade, your brain starts to work. You think about the fear. Remember back old memories. They certainly have some happy part in it. But a small mistake is there in your memory. That is where it all goes wrong. Something good in your life becomes your source of utmost pain.
You don't think about ignoring it. Rather, you dissect it,. See the possible consequences of it coming true. Create alternate realities, which get worse than the previous ones. You panic, not knowing what to do. You feel alone. Lonely as an arctic desert. Crying for help. From whom? Nobody to answer. Nobody to even listen. But you still tell your best friend that you want to cry right now. You want sympathy and pity, knowing that it is useless. But you still want it. This is the panic the brain creates.
This chill stays with you for about 7-8 hours. You can never mask it behind your smile or laughter. True fear shows on your face and in your body language.
The feeling is inexplicable. It is what you call a nightmare.
The best part about nightmares- they make you feel alive. You know this level of pain, so you have experience this level of happiness as well.
The worst part about nightmares- they come back. Days, weeks or months later. To haunt you. To hunt you. Hidden somewhere inside your heart. But lurking for a chance .Coming when you are least expecting them. To kick you down in the lowest and the darkest corner you could ever imagine. And believe me, they get worse every time.
Facing this fear is, by far, the toughest thing that I have ever done in my life. But I have failed so far. Leave the conquering the fear part apart.
But here lies the key to success. Because the motivation generated by (even) the thought of conquering this fear is immense.
Maybe the commercial got it right.
They could not have been more wrong. For me, accepting your fear in itself is the biggest victory.
Let me tell you something about fear. You don't think about it every time. You are oblivious to it mostly; busy in your day to day life, thinking about the present , how to move ahead in your career, new crush, great food, cigarettes, beers and comfortable sleep. You make yourself believe that you are a secure, stable and confident person.
But that moment is a cruel one. Somebody mentions the thing you don't even want to hear a word about or something remotely related to it. You go numb. Blank. Horrified.
Deep down somewhere near your chest, there is a sharp pain that emerges. An image, so horrible, pops up in your head that a shrill passes through your body. Somebody touched that old fear of yours which have tried so hard to hide, but have failed miserably.
You lose your senses. You cannot concentrate. Start chewing your nails. Rub your hands on your face. Feet and hands go cold. Try to grasp for breath.
It takes about 10-15 minutes for you to shrug off the initial shock.
As the numbness starts to fade, your brain starts to work. You think about the fear. Remember back old memories. They certainly have some happy part in it. But a small mistake is there in your memory. That is where it all goes wrong. Something good in your life becomes your source of utmost pain.
You don't think about ignoring it. Rather, you dissect it,. See the possible consequences of it coming true. Create alternate realities, which get worse than the previous ones. You panic, not knowing what to do. You feel alone. Lonely as an arctic desert. Crying for help. From whom? Nobody to answer. Nobody to even listen. But you still tell your best friend that you want to cry right now. You want sympathy and pity, knowing that it is useless. But you still want it. This is the panic the brain creates.
This chill stays with you for about 7-8 hours. You can never mask it behind your smile or laughter. True fear shows on your face and in your body language.
The feeling is inexplicable. It is what you call a nightmare.
The best part about nightmares- they make you feel alive. You know this level of pain, so you have experience this level of happiness as well.
The worst part about nightmares- they come back. Days, weeks or months later. To haunt you. To hunt you. Hidden somewhere inside your heart. But lurking for a chance .Coming when you are least expecting them. To kick you down in the lowest and the darkest corner you could ever imagine. And believe me, they get worse every time.
Facing this fear is, by far, the toughest thing that I have ever done in my life. But I have failed so far. Leave the conquering the fear part apart.
But here lies the key to success. Because the motivation generated by (even) the thought of conquering this fear is immense.
Maybe the commercial got it right.
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